Pulling the Plug

Three days a week my mum goes to hospital and spends four hours on a dialysis machine. Each time a taxi picks her up and makes the rounds to pick some other patients up to drop them off to the hospital for their session. Every week there is always news of another death on the dialysis ward, each time causing surprise, "What that nice chubby-ish lady that used to sit next to you?" or "Gosh that guy with no legs?" and each time sending a shiver up your spine, whose next...?

One day my mum came home with a story which I found really sad but greatly reflects how we all feel in life at times, if not most of the time. The taxi was doing his usual rounds and stops at a house of an elderly lady, and after waiting ten minutes for her, he decided to go knock on her door. The door was opened by the lady's son, who was quite distraught, and tells the taxi driver 

"She just doesn't want to go today, she said she won't go anymore, she has had enough, I have been trying to convince her but she is just refusing to go!"

So keeping in mind, that not doing even one dialysis session can be quite life threatening for these patients, and eventually would cause death in a short period, with a build up of water in the lungs and toxins. This lady was refusing to keep herself alive and I could understand her feeling, from witnessing what my mum goes through on a daily basis. Always feeling unwell, awake all night because of other pains and aches, even having to sit there for hours, waiting for a machine to do the job of your kidneys, isn't that the worst thing? That your body is so broken down, a machine has to keep it going. Is that body really worth living? Perhaps this was her feeling at the time. 

We are fortunate as Muslims to have Islam to bring us hope. That every disease, pain or health condition is a way of forgiveness of our sins, that everything is for a reason which Allah knows best and of course in everything we must keep patience. My mum is the most patient person in the world. Although even she gets fed up, after spending two weeks in hospital now (for another illness!), whereas I would have had it by the first few days! Our body is just a vehicle, we do not own it, we have only borrowed it for a short time. Therefore, we do not have the choice to end its life, as it does not belong to us anyway. Nor do we have the right to mis-use it, intoxicate it, which reminds of a time when someone used to tell me that they wish they could just get drunk and forget (lol!). Like any vehicle it may break down, part by part, but what we must remember, is that it is merely a form of transport, to get us from one destination to another, and inshallah whatever we are suffering in this journey, the destination is what will make it all worth while, so long as we remain patient with what Allah has decreed for us.

When Will You Set It Free?

I guess it all started, with beautiful intentions,

Till you took a turn an it was, out the door.

And then it got serious,

What was I writing, confused and delirious 

And now you look hilarious.

Not living the dream which you thought I would,

Hold you back from.

And it was your mistake to think that I would, never grow,

Because where am I now? And, How did you know?

That I could never help you. I protest, It was,

All a game and my honor was your dice, It was, 

Never played fairly, you took all the moves,

Once, Twice, Thrice...

And I didn't have a chance to win or to lose, in limbo,

My time that you took, and an apology that never stuck ... "I'm sorry.."

It's never too late, but it's always too soon to fix the damage.

Of a threatened heart, the carnage,

Of a troubled soul,

When will you set it free...?

A lot of my posts are completely random, and most of the time I am completely content and at peace when posting. It is just words and perhaps passing thoughts, you may let them affect you or not, like most things in life.    :)

Let them be Men

Men need to be given responsibility at a young age in order to grow up and become responsible husbands and fathers. The reason why men are so irresponsible these days and become overwhelmed when they get married is because they don't know how to cope with the duties and responsibilities that come with the new wife. Whose fault is this if not the parents? Mothers, stop Molly coddling your sons and allow your boys to be men and leaders of the ummah. And fathers allow and trust your sons to make their own decisions along with your advice and wisdom, but dont make the decision for them. The prophet peace be upon him used to put the younger Sahaba sometimes teens, at the forfront of the battle field and gave them responsibility to lead the army to war. Sometimes we miss certain aspects of the sunnah which in effect has negative backlash in the future of the children whome we one day expect to be responsible adults, dutiful husbands and leaders of the ummah. How do you expect that when one was never taught or allowed that from a young age?

Gem

Forget money, looks, education, great job, even "religiousness". 
If a person can make you smile, can make you laugh, and is completely content with who you are, the way you are, right at this moment in time. Then be assured, that, you will at least have someone who will stay by your side, not turn their back on you, and keep you smiling through every difficulty that you will face together. Even the most imperfect person becomes perfect, simply by the way they make you feel; that you are a gem, a treasure, which they will never risk losing...

Focus on who is here now, and not the ones that left you. Because for sure, whoever is not content with you now, certainly never will be in the future. 

Isolation Became Dear to Him

Why did isolation become dear to the Prophet (Peace be upon him)? Why did he feel the need to escape to Mount Hira for deep contemplation and reflection, even before prophethood. Sometimes, it is necessary to cut all connections with the world and people, in order to renew your connection with yourself, and thus your Lord. As Imaam Al-Ghazzali says “The heart is that in which if a man knows it, he knows himself, and if he knows himself, he knows his Lord. It is that in which if a man knows it not, he knows not himself and thus he knows not his Lord.”

When Pure Souls Meet

Sometimes you just have to let people go and find their own way in life. It could be that that path is to lead them straight back to you anyway. Trust in Allah's plan. Be patient, persevere and be content. This will only make you stronger and fully deserving of whats to come. Remember we are all on a journey, on a mission to find ourselves. And some will run away from themselves, but the self will undoubtedly follow and show them who they really are. Don't be afraid, because after you know who you are, you will know what decisions to make, you will know your purpose in life. And there are many, travelers on this journey, whom you may meet along the way. And you will find comfort in knowing, that you are not the only one and you will feel encouraged with their advice to keep going...
Appreciate that the journey of others may be longer, or bumpier than yours. Some peoples souls are in need of more cleansing than yours and all that will make them fully deserving of you too. You are not at loss. Because in the end, pure souls will meet, knowing that the journey of searching was a journey of purification, so that they may finally, find peace with one another.

Marriage and Insecurities

Insecurities are common for every marriage or relationship. I of all people know that. And these insecurities can grow, especially if one fails in their past relationships. Its common to blame ourselves for a marriage not working, saying we were not good enough for such a person, in one way or another and we make the mistake of looking for people that we think suit us better, but in fact, they actually suit our insecurities. 
What I mean by this is that we look for people "lower" than us, or more needy of us, so that it makes us feel we are totally in control. But in truth our insecurity is in control, because instead of dealing with it and overcoming it, we are only feeding it, growing and nurturing it to become something of a phobia. We need to realise, its all a state of the mind, and the mind is such a powerful tool. This is not about fighting, and winning the war of your insecurity, this is about being intelligent enough to deal with the problem after you have realised it. 

How to deal with it?
It depends on what your insecure about. It could be looks, it could be lack of knowledge or intellect, it could be that I think my partner will get bored of me, its all a state of the mind, and they all require simple communication, with yourself and with your partner.
Talk to them, ask them what they love to talk about, ask them how they love to see you dressed, ask them about what they want, and then work on it. Maybe you will keep failing at it, for example, I am not great at talking politics, but the more I try to talk about it, the more informed I will become, the closer I will become to developing my own ideas and feelings about it, and even my own opinions, and strategies. Its a step by step process, one which you may fail at some steps and seem a bit dumb, but don't take it so seriously, its important to be able to laugh at yourself and your own mistakes, and have fun in teaching each other, and don't allow the other person to feel stupid, we are what we are at the end of the day, we are all learning here and a sense of humour goes a long way in relationships, marriage should be fun, lets not forget that, because we are on this journey together.

We always tend to imagine the worst in our heads, especially us women, most likely its not even like that. We over think things and play things up so much in our heads that it becomes a mini drama. But in fact, this thing that you find such a massive problem, really isn't so massive. Find something else in the relationship to concentrate on, something you know your good at, making people laugh, informing them of interesting information, cooking, and physiologically your confidence with naturally increase, and once you have reached this level, you will start to naturally feel confident in other things too, allow it time, to take its own course, step by step. 

Running away from marriage is not the answer, not for long term anyway. 
Trying again and working on it with your partner is. We are all scared of failing, but if we don't try then neither will we succeed.  Marriage is about teamwork, friendship, understanding, you should want to help each other be better partners, most importantly, you should allow your partner to help you, we just need to try, because in effect this makes us better slaves of Allah. 

And Allah knows best.

Frustrations in Egypt

Bissmillahir rahmanir raheem,

It wasn't the electricity cutting off for hours that frustrated me, nor was it the water being cut off for days on end, nor the increase in prices of local produce, or even the masses of rubbish accumulating on the streets. It was saying goodbye. And everyone knows how I hate goodbyes. I have said goodbye 3 times in the last 12 hours. To people who came to Egypt to seek knowledge and some for the betterment of their children's islamic upbringing. And now they feel the need to leave for what seems to be threatening this initial intention. Its really sad.

Fair vote, fair elections, is the only reason Morsi was elected. Doesn't it make sense to let him finish his course and re-elect, if after he has proven to do nothing for this impatient country? Truth is, most people on the street don't even know whose side they are on, pro-morsi or not, they just want change. The problem is, they want it too fast and join in the demonstrations purely for this reason, whereas for others, its just a reason to go out and party. And who is "egging them on" Morsi's oposition, of course. Those who have made his time in government not an easy ride. Those who behind the scenes, burst water pipes so we went without water for weeks, those who stole the petrol and threw it in the desert. Those who are paying people to cut the electricity and make our lives as inconvenient as possible. All these things done deliberately to frustrate the people, and then suddenly BANG, they ignite the spark to demonstrate and then let the dumb people do the rest. They are being played like puppets, if only they realised. Its not a new government that they need, its a new way of looking at things, wisdom, patience, and understanding of the reality of whats happening.

Bearded men getting attacked on the streets, and niqabis not safe to walk in peace, this is what they wanted all along, their plan of turning muslims against muslims, to divide us and to wipe out Islam. And it is the fact that Deen is not strong in their hearts which is the reason for them being so blind and delusional.
Ya Allah give them patience, understanding, and make them strong in Deen. Ameen.

Alexandria Egypt.

Respect Yourself

Reflections

Sometimes keeping your mind busy, is not always a good thing. It only distracts you from thinking, reflecting and solving the problems of reality.

Disconnected

The further you are from Allah, the harder it becomes to fight the battle. Its strange how I came across so many people, who were in a sense so anguished, and out of control. Its hard to explain. But it doesn't matter how much my heart goes out to those people, how much I want to show them the way out, and how much I want to reassure them that it will eventually be ok, they can really only help themselves. 
And eventually they will realise, that that torment, that lack of control, has a direct link to your closeness to Allah. The further you are from your deen, the more you seem to be losing the fight. And for this they need to re-assess their life, what needs to change in order to stop being a slave to their desires. Because it could be that you work all day, your life is work work and more work, you may pray all your prayers, but where is the khushu in that prayer? Where is the closeness that you once felt before and how did you become so...
disconnected from your Lord? These reasons are all according to the individual, it can be due to people you interact with, who are harmful to your deen, or needing someone, whom you know is good for your deen, but your ego denies it. It could be the nature of your job, some jobs require a level of dishonesty, disloyalty, business nowadays is dog eat dog,  and for this, people spend too much time trying to be the best at work, rather than trying to be the most pious Muslim. Whatever the reason, the answer is simple, and I would recommend those people to simply stop life and take time out to think:

First and foremost that person needs to be willing to make changes in their life, secondly they need to re-asses their situation to see what needs to change, thirdly they really really really need to ask Allah to help them. Because without asking, He wont give, we need to beg Him, surrender completely and beg Him to guide us. Without Him we are lost. 
Without Him we are slaves to our desires, and that is as low as it gets. We have all been there, but not all of us have won the battle. 

May Allah help us all.

That wishful thinking has turned you fools into losers

The Prophet, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "The wise is the one who takes account of his own deeds, and works for the life after death, and the fool is the one who pursues his whims, and lives with the hope that Allah will forgive him." (At-Tirmidhi) 

Al-Hassan al-Basri said: "Some people live with the hope that Allah will forgive them until they leave this world without a single hasanah, or good deed." 

Allah, the Exalted, says: "And that wishful thinking of yours concerning your Rubb has ruined you and turned you into losers." Quran 40:23.

Sudden realisation

 It's not about finding the best person, it's about finding the person who brings out the best in you.

Cry it Out.

Sometimes you just have to cry it out. And when we are totally broken, when we have exhausted all other avenues, demeaning as they are, the last thing we resort to is this. And suddenly for whatever reason the burden becomes lighter. Suddenly another door opens, and suddenly it seems so much easier to close the last door. It doesn't matter how much people disappoint you, how many times they try to break you, it is purely to bring you back down to the realisation that, you are nothing, you are not in control, and that He is the only one you can turn to, to enable you to move on again. And those who don't realise this and do not turn to Him, who do not cry it out, and beg for his mercy and forgiveness, they will carry on going through the turmoil of fighting the war waging within themselves.

Why is is that when we have lost all hope, not knowing which way to turn, full of confusion and thoughts and thinking "What if? Why?", crying brings us this result? Because this is where you are at your most weakest point which no one would want to admit, even to  themselves, never mind to others. And for you to accept this, to finally break down all the barriers and just surrender yourself, to Allah, and to the plan that He set out for you, in this we find peace, we set ourselves free.

"One of the marvels of the world: The sight of a soul sitting in prison with the key in its hand."

-Rumi

Strangers

Sometimes you may find yourself on unfamiliar ground, a stranger in a place with people so unknown to you. You wonder how you will cope in such a place. For some its an exciting venture, for others, there is nothing more daunting. But isn't it true how Allah always sends you someone to show you the way, at the point when you feel most lost? How that person is there for you at hand, who can accompany you and answer the questions you thought you would never find alone. And isn't it true that there comes a point for that person to leave your life. Allah is giving you a chance to not only do everything that that person taught you alone, but also for you to teach the next stranger that arrives. And suddenly you become the one that Allah sends to others, to show them the way. And so in life we find our roles change, from the one who was dependent on others, to the one others become dependent on. And this role change can only occur once that person who showed you, leaves your life.
And although it means you may suffer a loss, it is only a way of training to help you gain something better, because by Allah taking away that person who was always there to guide you, he also took away your dependency on them, so that you may become solely dependent on Him. And perhaps we will keep going through this until, one day, it will no longer hurt to say goodbye, because you learn that you are left with the One, and He is enough for you.

Sunnah of S... II

Something I think that should be talked about more (in a controlled setting - with teachers/scholars/Councillors/people of knowledge). Simply because its something so simple, and ignorance in this matter can have such traumatic effects on people/marriages on a physical and psychological level. Due to culture we are taught to shy away from such issues, but as Muslims there is nothing wrong with developing an understanding and still remaining humble and modest about it. It's easy for people to say that these issues do not concern them, as it is simply "not in their nature", well all I can say is; make it your nature. Follow the Sunnah, or you will always fail in this. 

A great piece, well done: 

http://muslimmatters.org/2013/05/03/vignettes-on-female-sexuality/

They Need to Go. For Sure.

The Best and Most Beloved Wife.

"she believed in me when all others disbelieved; she held me truthful when others called me a liar; she sheltered me when others abandoned me; she comforted me when others shunned me; and Allah (SWT) granted me children by her while depriving me of children by other women." (Prophet Mohammed, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, about his beloved wife Lady Khadija.)

And That is Enough

I've learned I will almost never get it right first time,
I've learnt not to give up, to change my methods and try again, and again.
I've learnt to trust my instincts,
I've learnt that my greatest inspirations are deeply rooted to my fears,
I've learnt that ugly people will always be ugly, and beautiful people can be even more ugly.
I've learnt that giving up on love is not the answer, nor is chasing the love that never existed.
I've learnt that I should never try to change for the sake of people's ego.
I've learnt that my inability to walk away reflects on my weak Imaan, and what I do walk away from will pursue me. Iv learnt its hard not to look back. Its really hard.
I've learnt to smile and laugh at myself when the world seems dark,
I've learnt that you will feel Allah's love at times when you are feeling so unloved, and that that love is enough.
I've learnt that in the end, the truth always comes out, no matter how hard someone tries to make you look bad. That Allah sends the rain to wash away their black lies and criticisms. I love the rain.
I've learnt that in silence I find solace...but also fear.
I've learnt to protect myself by building a wall, yet still allowing myself to watch the world and lives around me through a gap...I've learnt anyone can get in that gap.
I've learnt that I never knew what I wanted, that I was easily influenced, that I tried hard to please others and agree to their way of thinking, even if I thought otherwise, and that not knowing what I wanted led me to the wrong people. I've learnt to know what I want.
I have learnt that there are people who want you and then there are people who need you. Its better to be needed.
I've learnt the people that are furthest away will always be the ones you miss most.
I've learnt to remember the bad times and not just the good. Because in the good you have regret, and in the bad you have relief.
I've learnt that the people that harmed you will have that same harm caused upon them, that what they took
from you will undoubtedly be taken from them too in the same form or another.
I see the innocence in those younger than me, I have learnt that time will teach them too, regardless of my warnings to them.
I have learnt that I strive to always find solutions for others, but give up when I can never find them for myself.
I have learnt that not every one will understand me. Nor do I want everyone to understand me. And the ones who do, only do because, they have learnt too.

Advice for Husbands/Men/Brothers/Dads...

(This made me laugh. Probably because it sounds like me...)

" It is currently ‘that time of the month’ for my wife and she has gone off in a huff over a picture of a lemon (or so I think). This is nothing new and something that I have become used to over the period of our marriage. Things like this are trivial to me, but seem to tip her over the edge. 

However, I then remembered that one of the qualities of all good Muslims is patience (sabr). I know that at ‘this time of the month’, I need to just let her be rather than make a bigger issue about this. She will eventually calm down and things will be normal again."

http://www.purematrimony.com/blog/2013/04/a-dads-discourse-have-a-little-patience/