Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day:

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day:

Dear son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.

As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.

3, Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.

4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore, always remain in that state.

5, Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house . Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.

6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.

7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.

8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.

9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.

10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.

 

 

 

Alhamdulillah

I don't know why, but walking along the beach today and looking out, straight out into the sea made me realise, that there is so much to be grateful for, Alhamdulillah. Why was it that this view made me feel deeply in this way? All I know was that the sight of the waves crashing in, the colour of the water, the vast amount of water that seems never ending, a view that was so simple yet so beautiful made me realise how complicated I make my life. And if I made it simple it could be just as beautiful.
Being grateful is just the start of simplicity. Realising what you have instead of what you don't have, makes life so much more easier. For example, I am living in a place where the streets are pretty ugly and dirty however just nearby is the coast, this beautiful and amazing sea and its because of this that I am so grateful that Allah brought me here, that out of so many people He chose me to have this experience that others would die for. And its because of this that I wouldn't want to be any where else in the world. For sure I wouldn't feel like this if I was too busy thinking about the rubbish on the street and the unpredictable semi-aggressive people. Every individual has a turmoil in their life. This turmoil is like the ugly dirty streets, but walking out of the street not far off is the bigger picture (the sea). Feeling grateful for what you have doesn't make the turmoil dissapear, but it somehow makes life liveable, it makes it beautiful.
Think about what you have, Take a deep breath in, and breath out saying Alhamdulillah and smile :)

 

Alexandria, Egypt Jan 2013

Dig Deeper

Look deeper and you will see her soul,
Observing the outside without entering the door,
Was never enough for her heart to enfold,
Look into her eyes and dig deeper, explore.
You were (for some time) satisfied with the curve of her waist,With the shape of her ass, the makeup on her face,
But if only you had tried, for once, to enter from a different side,
Perhaps her satisfaction in you, would have been in full body and mind.
Won't you try and find the key. wont you try?
Only she knows that the one who unlocks the door will find,
The curves of her nature, the shape of her desire, the makeup of her dreams,
And the quality of her thoughts.
When did u last look at her, as your life time partner?
As the mother of your children, as the soulmate that helps to cleanse your soul?
Her soul...was not made to quench your desire, but it was made to beautify them,
To care for them, to tame them. Don't you thus owe her soul so much more?
She knows she makes it difficult, she is closed, tightly at times, but did you expect her
to let anyone in? Don't you think her soul guards over her heart?
The key to her heart, is through her soul so,
If you don't dig deeper then you will never know,
How to tread carefully along the cracks of her heart,
Where the streams of her tears continue to flow,
Dig deeper, think deeper, and you will never be apart.

 

Internal Cleansing

After relieving onself and on exiting the bathroom, one should ask Allah for forgiveness and say "Gufraanak" there are two opinions as to why this is so; the first being, that one is unable to recite any Dikhr or Quran during this time so one asks Allah for forgiveness for this short period where one could not utter His rememberance. The second opinion being; that one has just cleansed and externally removed the impurities built up from the body and we say Gufraanak in order to internally cleanse the impurities built up in the Heart also. My preference is the second opinion, and Allah knows best.

Trust in the Justice of Allah

You find that when someone has done an injustice to you, and they have wrongly taken something away from you, Allah brings that very same thing back to you, as well as taking it away from that person who wronged you. Trust in the Justice of Allah.

Give up or Fight

He told me that I was the type of person to give up too easily, that I lose hope quickly, and that I should fight for something if I wanted it. It never dawned on me until he said it. It could of been a complete guess at my personality, he didnt know me, but it hurt to know that it was close to, if not the complete truth. And perhaps I lost things/people for exactly this reason. Since then it seems I fight for everything, to the extent to which people may accuse me of being a complainer, a trouble maker, an ungrateful person. And that hurts too. Because they dont know me either.
And so I wonder which is best, im still deciding. These days I try not to fight for things, and perhaps I dont react at all to minor injustices that have happend to me, but I dont give up hope either. I stay away from people that have hurt me or rather I keep them at a distance. I live in a world of my own. And I have found that somehow things come back round again, without me trying too hard.
And they happen as if I am an observer on the outside. And I can almost predict things along the way - like watching a film, regardless of whether its what I want to happen, whether its the outcome I want or not, it doesn't matter anymore, because if I am in a world of my own, then its not my outcome to deal with.
So if you think about it, Im not giving up, not fighting, just observing.

When so many (good) people dislike you, then surely you are the problem.

So whats it like to be so hated by every single person? It must be a really horrible feeling. To be so disliked. I mean why do you make it so difficult for others to like you? You don't have to be such a jerk. You choose to be one, with every word you speak and every action you do. Your not helping yourself. People may be fooled by your exterior, but sooner or later your internal decay will show through. You have no adab, there is nothing beautiful about your speach and you push
people away rather than bringing them closer. Silly person. Dont you see. Dont you learn? Dont you
think? Think why you are having the same problems. Because you keep making the same mistakes..
Surely logic would tell you that when so many people are unhappy with you, then YOU are the problem. You dont realise, because your intellect is still immature. And its unlucky for some that they will never grow up. Will you only realise when everyones leaves you? And they are more successful without you?
Dont you fear your Lord?
How do you expect Allah to love you, when you cannot gain the love of people. And they are good people, who come to you for help and assistant, they rely on you and you let them down and inconvenience them in every way, why? Because your concern is more for yourself and your own gain then for others. When your concern becomes for others, only then will you become Allahs concern and only then will you have barakah in everything you do.