People change...

A quote by Marilyn Monroe includes the line "People change so you can learn to let go.."
There will be points in your your life, where this applies perfectly. Sometimes people leave you, and you will find it hard to let them go. And the reason it was hard to let them go, was not because you wanted that person, but because you wanted to prove to them (and yourself) that you were good enough and that you could reach their "standard".
And this agony of not letting go has a process, of you wanting to change to reach that "standard" to become worthy of them.
You do whatever it takes, educate yourself more, change the way you dress, get into the right crowd, start writing publicaly, move country...just to prove that you can and that your someone worthy of their attention and approval...and along this journey of changing you repeat a prayer and a silent wish that one day you will meet again, just so you can say "hey look how I changed, am I now not good enough? Am I now not worthy of your love?"
And when that day comes, and you think finally Allah answered my prayers, another shot, another chance to prove to them, that you are now what they wanted...
However what a surprise to find, that infact over time, you never changed at all. You only found ways to express the worthiness that lay within you all along. And even more surprisingly, to find, that the other person changed; they are no longer that person with the same "high standards" they are infact quite different..
And all this only to show and make you realise how unworthy they are of you. It seems the person that they wanted you to be, was only really a reflection of the person they could never be themselves...
"People change so you can learn to let go..."

Joined at the Soul

Pondering over the whole thing about having a "soulmate" in life. And how some people are lucky to meet someone who they believe is their soulmate and others are more lucky to marry them and spend their whole life with them. And I have been wondering what is it that makes these persons so connected down to the very soul. Because thinking about it, it could be that you passionately love someone but they are not necessarily your soulmate, and that your soulmate is not necessariliy someone you are passionately in love with. And the person your in love with might be someone you actualy cannot spend your life with, because they do not give you peace and fullfillment in your life. However your soulmate, will always undoubtedly be able to offer you peace and tranquility.

Over the year or so it has been a common occurance which I have found really strange; how I tried to just live life on my own and not let anyone into my bubble. But it was strange how people came into my life and got attached to me regardless of however hard I tried to just be a "nomad".  For some weird reason they really liked me and didn't want to leave me and I didn't know why that was. But because of their persistance I grew attached to them too, unknowingly letting some of them in and finding some harmony, and common ground with them. And then there were others, who I guess, I was persistant with in a futile attempt to kill my boredom and loneliness yet, I found no common ground with them, and was eager to return back into my own world after being with them. And I didn't understand why the difference was there, because they all seemed like decent/nice people.
Its just that I didn't connect with some of them on a level I connected with others.

And then I came accross a statement online (by Yasmin Mogahed) which included the following hadith and commentary which kind of answered my thoughts above:

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "The souls are (like) an army joined (in the world of spirits) whichever souls knew each other (in that world) are attracted towards each other (in this world) and whichever remained distant and indifferent (there) are disinterested to each other (in this world)" (Saheeh al-Bukhaari, Kitaab Ahaadeeth al-Anbiyaa’, Baab al-Arwaah junood
mujannadah).

*Commentary: "Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary on the hadeeth: “Concerning the phrase ‘Souls are like conscripted soldiers…’ al-Khattaabi said: ‘This may refer to their similarity as regards good or evil, righteousness or corruption. Good people are inclined towards other good people, and evil people are similarly inclined towards other evil people. Souls feel affinity with others according to the nature in which they were created, good or evil. If souls’ natures are similar, they will get along, otherwise they will not be on good terms with one another. It could be that what is being referred to is the beginning of creation in the realm of the unseen when, it is reported, souls were created before bodies, and used to meet one another and express their pessimism about the future. When souls have entered bodies (come to the physical realm) they may recognize one another from the past, and may be on friendly terms or otherwise based on that past experience.”

"Al-Khattaabi and others said: this getting along with one another has to do with what Allaah decreed from the outset about the ultimate destiny of souls, whether they will be among the blessed [in Paradise] or the doomed [in Hell]. Souls are of two opposing kinds, and when they meet in this physical world, they will either love or hate one another depending on the way they were created.
Good souls will be inclined towards other good souls, and evil souls will be inclined towards other evil souls. And Allaah knows best."

(http://islamqa.com/en/ref/3864/soul)


Following on from that, there were some people/souls who I didn't care about leaving, because I didn't really like them anyway, and then there were others who I cared for, but it still didn't hurt me to leave them, and I wondered if this was a fault in me, that my heart had become hardened, but I realise that when your connected to someone on a soul level your always connected - your not really leaving each other, only in the physical sense. It's almost like your souls know you will meet again...

And so it could be that you can never marry your soulmate, but you remain happy in letting them go knowing they are happy in life, for this very reason that the souls will one day meet again.
It is something beautiful, because people get confused; they think the people they can't live without and have strong feelings for are the ones that they should be with, and they find it difficult to let them go, its such a mental torment for them because they "love" them so much, but this "love" is just physical and in reality they are the ones that damage your soul most. Your soulmate on the other hand, although you would be a little sad to let them go in this world, you would be able to do so, knowing your parting is not eternal. And its ironic how really, the person you would be able to let go, is the person you would find most contentment in spending your life with, because that is the one who is most beneficial for your soul, and sanity.

"Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes.
Because for those who love with heart and soul,
there is no such thing as separation!" ~ Rumi

 

Open the Door.

You say you give up on love, but infact love gave up on you. For it knocked at your door on many an occasion and you chose to shut the door on it each time. Realise that if you push something/someone away enough times, one day they won't return. Don't be so surprised when that day come.

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
~Kahlil Gibran~

 

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day:

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day:

Dear son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.

As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.

3, Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.

4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore, always remain in that state.

5, Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house . Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.

6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.

7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.

8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.

9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.

10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.

 

 

 

Alhamdulillah

I don't know why, but walking along the beach today and looking out, straight out into the sea made me realise, that there is so much to be grateful for, Alhamdulillah. Why was it that this view made me feel deeply in this way? All I know was that the sight of the waves crashing in, the colour of the water, the vast amount of water that seems never ending, a view that was so simple yet so beautiful made me realise how complicated I make my life. And if I made it simple it could be just as beautiful.
Being grateful is just the start of simplicity. Realising what you have instead of what you don't have, makes life so much more easier. For example, I am living in a place where the streets are pretty ugly and dirty however just nearby is the coast, this beautiful and amazing sea and its because of this that I am so grateful that Allah brought me here, that out of so many people He chose me to have this experience that others would die for. And its because of this that I wouldn't want to be any where else in the world. For sure I wouldn't feel like this if I was too busy thinking about the rubbish on the street and the unpredictable semi-aggressive people. Every individual has a turmoil in their life. This turmoil is like the ugly dirty streets, but walking out of the street not far off is the bigger picture (the sea). Feeling grateful for what you have doesn't make the turmoil dissapear, but it somehow makes life liveable, it makes it beautiful.
Think about what you have, Take a deep breath in, and breath out saying Alhamdulillah and smile :)

 

Alexandria, Egypt Jan 2013

Dig Deeper

Look deeper and you will see her soul,
Observing the outside without entering the door,
Was never enough for her heart to enfold,
Look into her eyes and dig deeper, explore.
You were (for some time) satisfied with the curve of her waist,With the shape of her ass, the makeup on her face,
But if only you had tried, for once, to enter from a different side,
Perhaps her satisfaction in you, would have been in full body and mind.
Won't you try and find the key. wont you try?
Only she knows that the one who unlocks the door will find,
The curves of her nature, the shape of her desire, the makeup of her dreams,
And the quality of her thoughts.
When did u last look at her, as your life time partner?
As the mother of your children, as the soulmate that helps to cleanse your soul?
Her soul...was not made to quench your desire, but it was made to beautify them,
To care for them, to tame them. Don't you thus owe her soul so much more?
She knows she makes it difficult, she is closed, tightly at times, but did you expect her
to let anyone in? Don't you think her soul guards over her heart?
The key to her heart, is through her soul so,
If you don't dig deeper then you will never know,
How to tread carefully along the cracks of her heart,
Where the streams of her tears continue to flow,
Dig deeper, think deeper, and you will never be apart.

 

Internal Cleansing

After relieving onself and on exiting the bathroom, one should ask Allah for forgiveness and say "Gufraanak" there are two opinions as to why this is so; the first being, that one is unable to recite any Dikhr or Quran during this time so one asks Allah for forgiveness for this short period where one could not utter His rememberance. The second opinion being; that one has just cleansed and externally removed the impurities built up from the body and we say Gufraanak in order to internally cleanse the impurities built up in the Heart also. My preference is the second opinion, and Allah knows best.