Monday, 10 February 2014

"Breakups Make Bodybuilders"

I guess without even knowing it my blog turned into something of a rant rather than the intention of what I started up for. Although my intentions were somewhat mixed and if I were to be honest with myself it was really to show someone that I am more than what they thought. The problem with this is that when that someone is no longer in your life, your purpose of writing kind of dies too.  I guess in the process of trying to prove others wrong I somehow showed myself and became so much more, yes I surprised even myself  ("breakups make bodybuilders" as they say) and once your quite happy with who you are, what do you then write about. You don't write, you rant perhaps?

I think anyone who has been following my blog closely will see the cycle that I went through, its easy, after a breakup, to be completely self critical of yourself, so I went from being completely discontent with myself and who I am because others rejected me, and believing that their reasons for rejection where pure truth, to trying to prove them wrong, to trying to change myself in ways that were not possible for me, to trying to find myself and who I really am,  to reaching out to others, to being content with just me and what was decreed for me. There were times where blasts from the past occurred, sometimes in reality and sometimes in my head and some of my posts turned out to be completely bitter with no point to it at all, except to get it out of my head, and I don't apologise for that, I'm sure you know if it's aimed at you, yes it is, aimed at you... 

You see with whatever intention I started off with, I got something else out of it, in some ways it was a release of frustration. Either I write or I punch you in the face. In other ways it was a distraction. And it was a way to get away, when I couldn't physically get away. Maybe it will benefit others, maybe it won't, I don't think I really care, but I know the parts which benefit me, and it is this self growth which matters most. It is this growth which keeps me content, because if you have been through tough times and not grown from it, then may Allah help you with the turmoil festering in your heart.

Cute swirly pic

Friday, 7 February 2014

When Will You Set It Free?

I guess it all started, with beautiful intentions,
Till you took a turn an it was, out the door.
And then it got serious,
What was I writing, confused and delirious 
And now you look hilarious.
Not living the dream which you thought I would,
Hold you back from.
And it was your mistake to think that I would, never grow,
Because where am I now? And, How did you know?
That I could never help you. I protest, It was,
All a game and my honor was your dice, It was, 
Never played fairly, you took all the moves,
Once, Twice, Thrice...
And I didn't have a chance to win or to lose, in limbo,
My time that you took, and an apology that never stuck ... "I'm sorry.."
It's never too late, but it's always too soon to fix the damage.
Of a threatened heart, the carnage,
Of a troubled soul,
When will you set it free...?

A lot of my posts are completely random, and most of the time I am completely content and at peace when posting. It is just words and perhaps passing thoughts, you may let them affect you or not, like most things in life.    :)