The Love that is...

What is “Love”?

The Oxford dictionary states that Love is:

1)       a strong feeling of affection

2)      a great interest and pleasure in something

There was a load of other definitions from various dictionaries, the point being, the definition of Love is not the same everywhere.

Someone said to me the other day that we live in a society, such that we are brought up on a false belief of what Love should be. It is our exposure to Hollywood/movies/adverts/Disney/society which defines our perception of “Love”. It defines it in such a way, that it becomes unrealistic, and it is in fact unreachable, in my opinion.

Perhaps we grow up watching Disney movies, which builds us into the thinking that one day we also, will meet our Prince Charming or Princess Jasmin. It plants a seed that grows into an infatuation of searching and expectation that can’t possibly be fulfilled and thus leads to disappointment, depression, ungratefulness and lack of hope. I mean how are we meant to feel what Prince Charming felt for his Princess? They’re not real, its fantasy and that’s where fantasy will stay.

When people get married, perhaps one does not feel the “Hollywood love” for the spouse, especially in an Islamic marriage, where technically you don’t really know the other person at first. Or perhaps after a few years of Marriage, the spark kinda dies, either way it makes them paranoid, they start thinking that something just aint right in this marriage. Why? Because you ain’t feeling the Luuuurve that Dr Dre raps about?  This kind of paranoia leads to a dissatisfaction in marriage and instead of building on the positive aspects of ones relationship, one is led to an on-going search which can last a life time if you let it. I direct this at boys in particular, not because I hate them…but because in general it is in the nature of a woman to be satisfied with any small bit of good in a relationship, (I remember my mum saying once,  that a woman only cries when she feels she has lost completely everything – meaning if there was just an ounce of something, she will hold on to it).   And so in the end these boys become old lonely men who now just want to marry to save themselves from loneliness and that “Hollywood spark” no longer matters. So in the process of reaching this lifetime learning curve, they have just simply messed up too many girls lives, to possess the same as what they started with, the only difference is that THEY have become a little wiser. They learnt to find the spark in every individual, rather than chasing the spark that doesn’t exist.

Problems occur when people try to conform to other people’s ideas of what love is, or what a meaningful relationship should be and not for what is suited for their own relationship. In my opinion every couple has an individual definition of “Love” which is unique to their own personal relationship with their partner. And that in itself is what I think is beautiful.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
-Maulana Jelaluddin Rumi

Debating Matters of Religion

A man came before Imaam Abu Hanifa and brought with him another man who was known to have a deviant belief of Islam.
The man asked Imaam Abu Hanifa "Can I pray behind this man?" Imaam Abu Hanifa Rahimullah replied "We cannot pray behind either of the two of you."
The man became surprised and asked why, and the Imaam replied "because he holds a belief that
is deviant from Islam and you, (refering to the man who asked the question), you argue about matters of religion."
Imaam Al-Ghazzali says in Bidayat Al-Hidayat that he consideres argumentation in matters of religion a major sin of its own.
These days there are Imaams/people who actually enjoy debating on matters of religion, and for some it is simply in their nature to just uneccesarily debate and constantly prove their point to others. However all this really shows, is that they themselves are uneasy and confused in their own heart and it is thus the reason why it should be avoided to pray behind such people, and in my view to stay away from such people completely.

"However difficult life is, it is only a temporary trial."

"Go through the trials of life, the little of little trials.
And prepare yourself for the long journey.
In his obedience you win both life on earth and the hereafter.
And in his obeience is the honour for the humiliated slave.
And in his disobeience there is, shame and the Fire of fires.
And in such distance (from your Lord) you will only find humiliation.
So do not dissobey your Lord and obey Him always, so that you might be accepted."

Intelligence vs. Piety

She sat across the desk to me, Her side of the table surrounded her with little vases of handpicked flowers and extracts of nature she had found on her long walks in the countryside.
And after an in depth conversation partly about religion and partly about how I think I failed my exam at madrassa that weekend, she said to me "you know you dont have to be clever to be a good person," It suddenly dawned on me, that infact this was not the words of a muslim person, not even someone who even believed in God (im working on her), it was certainly the words of a wise person.

For a time I wondered, how is one meant to reach a high state of piety or at least goodness, if they are like me, striving to learn but not quite an "achiever" lets say...duas dont stick in my head,
and I dont necessarily undertsand the fiqh rulings and how or when to apply what, no matter how many time the poor Sheikh explains it...I wondered how am I supposed to "achieve" in deen when I dont have the intellect? I felt like you had to be clever to be close to Allah, and perhaps I even had a bit of a complex because people in my past made me feel like that...

I thought about her words, and yes there is an element if not a complete truth in what she stated.
she is the kind of person, who has a major admiration for nature, surrounds herself in flowers and constanly talks about the beauty of plants and animals and such and it occured to me that this person who doesnt even believe in God is actually more connected to Allah in a way she probably doesn't even realise. To love creation so much, means you are indirectly loving the creator...and this closeness one feels when they are so in  touch with nature is uncomparable, how can you not be a "good person" when you have so much admiration and love for the beauty Allah has bestowed to us on earth just as a proof of his majesty?
...it has nothing to do with intellect.
That said, I will still try to pass my exams at madrassa.

You Fool!

"The most foolish of men are those who believe strongly in their own intelligence.

And the men who are most stable in intelligence, are those who are suspicious of themselves, and most ready to ask from the learned." ~ Imaam Al-Ghazzali

The Mirror of the Heart

To understand reality as it truly is.

(Imaam Al-Ghazzali)

Sometimes we want to understand things the way we want to understand it and not as it truly is. And sometimes we want to understand things as they truely are and try to reach a higher state of spirituality to be amongst the pious, but can’t, why is this so?

The Heart is like a mirror, it has the ability to reflects the true nature of things.

As with the mirror, a true reflection will not be shown for the following 5 reasons:

1)      A defect in the iron of the mirror – the mirror is still just a lump of iron, it has not yet been formed and moulded into a mirror. So the entity (or potential) is there but has not yet been shaped or formed yet. (This is the state of the Hearts of children or the youth).

2)      Because of the dirt, rust and dullness. Even if it has been formed perfectly but it cannot reflect because of the dullness and dirt on the surface. (Due to the filth from disobedience and dirt from excessive desires which heap up onto the surface of the Heart causing it to be dull).

3)      Because it is turned away from the direction of the object towards something else. (Perhaps the attention is directed towards outward acts – making wudu/how to pray etc…one does not realise the internal needs to be worked on aswell).

4)      Because of a veil placed before the mirror and the object. (Because one is stuck to certain beliefs, or may even deny the higher states of spirituality).

5)      Because of not knowing how to position the mirror in the desired direction of the object. (Simply one has no knowledge of reaching this state of understanding).

Thus too is the Heart a mirror. Ready to have reflected in it the true nature of reality and all things.

The Pig, The Dog, The Demon and The Wise Man

There are elements of the inner being, which are the traits of Mans nature. Success lies in keeping these elements in balance.

Imaam Al-Ghazzali says:

Know, that there are 4 factors intermixed elements that dwell in a man’s nature that are united against him, the qualities of:

1)      The predatory beast (animalistic)

2)      Demonic (deceitful, cunningness, evil intention)

3)      lordly (God-given wisdom/knowledge - which may lead to good or may lead to arrogance, i.e. to claim lordship – like Pharaoh, notice we use this word with lower case letter “L”)

4)      Brutish qualities (greed)

Every man has a mix of these four qualities, these all gather within a man’s skin as if they were a pig (Brutish), a dog (Predatory beast), a demon (Demonic) and a Wise Man (lordly).

The Pig = appetence, desire, lust, internal greed

The Dog = Anger, enmity, as it is in the nature of this animal to be savage, to slaughter, to be wild

The Demon, it continues to stir up the appetence of the Pig and the enmity of the Wild beast.

And within Man there also lies a “wise man” (akl), who, wards off the Demon, and kills off the gluttony of the Pig by setting the enmity of the Dog onto it. And if he is successful in doing so and maintains the balance then the kingdom is safe. However if he is weak and he fails, then he is constantly searching out new ways to satisfy the Pig and please his Dog. And thus the scary reality of it is that most of mankind are not serving their Lord, but are serving a Dog and a Pig, because their primary concern is their bellies, sexual indulgence and getting even with the enemy.

And so the irony comes, as Imaam Al-Ghazzali says, he whom disapproves of idolatry to a stone, if the veil were surely to be removed, he would actually find himself in prostration to a Pig, serving his appetite and that which he lusts. Or he would find himself in prostration to a Dog, by planning and scheming to become obedient to it. And as it is the Demon that arouses the Pig and the Dog, in effect, Man is worshipping the Demon.

If Man is able to bring all of these elements under the lordly rule of the wise man, then he is able to gain more knowledge, wisdom, understand the real nature of things. By bringing the appetence of the Pig back within limits, he is able to gain so much more honourable qualities, such as chasteness, contentment, happiness, modesty and such. By holding back the anger of the Dog he is able to gain courage, generosity, self-control, patience, gentleness, nobility, dignity and such.