Randomness of thoughts

I heard this line or something similar in a rubbish movie:
"How can it be, that someone who has lost so much is still so open to love and forgiveness, yet I have lost nothing and remain so closed and unforgiving?" As pointless as the movie was, this line remained etched in my mind.

I think there are times where we spend moments feeling quite sorry for ourselves. For the misfortune we have experienced in life, for the hurt and the tears. And then you may come across people, who have experienced so much more than you and makes what you have been through, in comparison, look like a peanut. It makes you realise that you have more than you think, if not everything.

So amidst the suffering of your (in comparision) minor misfortune, after the release of the temporary pain, after wiping away the pool of dried up tears, and in the final acceptance of losing someone, you infact found yourself. My dear have you not gained?  So why remain so closed and unforgiving?
Is it that you did not like what you found? That even after the loss of everything that hurt you, you are still stuck with the biggest problem of all; yourself? Maybe you fear people, but should you not fear yourself more?
Because people will only hurt you if you let them. And even if you let them, it doesnt mean you are weak in any way, it just means that your trust in Allah remains stronger than your fear of life, because even though people, life, will let you down, Allah never will. It might be that you understand completely, its just that, your not yet ready.

Alex at night

11pm in Alexandria, and the streets are buzzing. I dont need to go out to know it, I can hear the hum of the hussle and bussle in the comfort of my apartment 11 floors up. The dogs barking, people chitter chatter, the cars peeping their horn and playing their music, the motorcycle shop revving and I guess washing as I can hear the sound of water squirting,kids (awake at this time!) screamin their little heads off.
Theres one little boy that lives opposite to my place called Hassan. His balcony is directly
opposite mine, so if I was to step out I would be looking straight at him and his family - hence why I never go out on the balcony! I know his name is Hassan, because he is always screaching "BA BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" at the top of his voice as if his tonsils would fall out. I assume its Ba ba that screams back "YA HASSAN!"
As annoying as Hassans screaching is at times, I always find a smile creep on my face when I hear him - its funny how he has no idea, that a british foreigner whom he has never seen before, that lives so close by finds him so entertaining.
I guess Egypt wouldn't be complete without Hassans screaching. Its simply mad here, but you gotta love it.

We are a test for each other.

Allah made people so diverse, they come from different parts of the world, grew up in cultures alien to us, have had experiences that have shaped them as a person. People perhaps do things, that others may find unjust/unfair or strange, yet you have to look at the bigger picture, the culture behind it, the experience that person may have had to make them like that. Their intention may have been pure, but because our experiences and culture have shaped us as a different person, we dont neccessarilly see the good intention behind their acts.
Dont blame the person, and dont even blame their experiences, because even that came from Allah.

When meeting new people, its best to approach them with an open mind, and although they may not have a sparkling reputaton for whatever reason, it might be best to just give them the benefit of the doubt anyway.
It could be that those people learnt their lesson in the past and realised they did something
which seemed unacceptable to others.  So you now have the benefit of meeting such a person (at this point) - a person who realises is a renewed person, a better person - so give them a chance. Right?

Realise that you are not the only one being tested in life. The test is also on others. and just as they are a test for you, you also are a test for them.

I think we are scared of seeing others in a good light, because if they let you down, it makes it that
much harder to trust the next. However, I plan to start each new relationship with a positive impression regardless. Perhaps it will be me that lets them down. Perhaps, I am infact, a test for them instead.
I gues, we are all a test for each other.

A Path Perfected.

You find there are always other people that know more than you. Whats more annoying,
is that they are ten years younger (grrr...I mean mashallah!). It makes me look back, I wouldn't say my years were wasted,I have gained things that others dont necessrily have, and I guess my route in life was taken in a way which Allah thought befitting of me. Perhaps if I had taken another persons path of learning knowledge, I would have gained nothing - because that path was not meant to be for me.

When I think about it, things in the past happend so precisely, an uncanny chain of events, in order to bring me to where I am now, which could have only been facilitated by Allahs perfect plan. Alhamdulillah.

Certain events may happen in life, or you may meet people, good and bad, that will make you realise, that you need to change your ways and seek knowledge; at least to protect yourself. These things may unknowingly push you down a certain path, its your choice to take it. If these events never came to us, and if we never met these people, we may have continued being even more ignorant,than we already are.
 
The individuals that you meet that know so much more than you? Theyr just a reminder, to keep going, at your own pace, on your own path, and not theirs.
I know that what I am undertaking now will lead me beautifully on to something else, a path that is perfected for me only.
I put my trust in Allah, that He will bring me to a destination, that is full of contentment, peace, mercy, trust, justice and Love. Something I will only find in Him.

Alhamdulillah for the experience of the last journey and Bissmillah to the next.

 

A Guide from Beyond

“Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”
― Rumi

I remember a while back, after chatting to a friend, I say a friend, but actually I didnt know her at all at the time, but she did become someone admirable to me, mostly because she had such a beautiful and refreshing personality. She said to me that it seemed like I had been through quite a lot in a short space of time. It never really dawned on me that that was the case until she said it, I think more fitting is that I have come across many different personalities in a short space of time - I have learnt a lot about people. Yes.

When people go through some hardship, I guess its quite common for them to go through a phase of blocking others out, I was at a stage of never contacting my friends, not visiting family, turning up to classes and then leaving without speaking to anyone. Even though I kind of enjoyed being in my own world so to speak, it seems like there were still individuals who unknowlingly broke me out back into the real world - and although I cant say I would ever be my old self, I am grateful to them and to Allah for sending them to me, to show me that yes there is hope of some good and pure personalities out there. I do not claim to be amongst them, however observing the characters out there, makes me realise who I want to be like and who I would loath to be like.

Certain individuals come into our life for a reason. Allah sends specific people to us to teach us specific things about ourselves. It might be that you never ever realised how impatient you were until someone actually pushed you to your limit - how would you know ur own patience untill someone pushed you?
The people I have come across; good characters, bad ones, ones that I would like to help and others that are beyond help. I guess they scared me, not because they were not great characters, but perhaps because what it made me realise.
I look and I reflect on each person, and I think, what have they taught me about myself? That I am an unforgiving person? Because I couldnt give them a second chance. That I am a gossip? Because they managed to squeeze bits of information from me? That I am not merciful because I exposed anothers faults? That I am caniving because I considered "stabbing them in the back." That I am unjust,
because I stayed quiet rather than standing up for the truth when it was needed? That I am a fool for letting reputable losers take advantage of me.
That I am weak and out of control. That I am nothing. Althought life has taught me well, there is still much to learn. I fear the people I am to meet next but I also look forward to it, I look forward to each individual I meet that makes me a little wiser. Bring it on I say. And although I probably think now that "yeh I have met them all, I can spot them a mile off now" Im sure there are still a few characters that will catch me off guard, just to remind me that you still have so much to learn - about people (and about yourself).

I guess we are all weak in character in some way. The important thing is that we realise it and start to make a change in ourselves, so that the pain/difficulties experienced in our life are not repeated. Because I believe the difficulty comes to you because of a weakness in yourself - not in others. We spend too much time blaming others, finding the minor faults in them, rather than the obvious fault in ourselves. We should realise that it is US that need to make the change, to keep it consistent even when others dont, to fight the battle within ourselves, to always keep our guard up, because the greatest war we have to fight, is the war with ourselves.
When the companions of the Prophet (Peace and blessing be upon him) returned from the Battlefield, The Prophet would say "they have returned from the lesser war to the greater war, (the battle with the self)."
This realisation, reflection and constant effort to change is what makes us the better individual. Its what makes us better Muslims.

 

Time will tell

I realise that it is down to ones impatience as to finding the reason of why things happen to us and why we meet some people. We are not patient enough to let time tell. We want the answer
there and then, and when we dont get the answer, we give up on Allah, but we dont realise, that He does not give up on us.
He gives us another chance to get it right - when we find ourselves in similar situatuion, similar tests except its with different people, a different place, a different situation, but in essence the same test.

More importantly, not only do we find that certain people are in our life, we also find that at certain points of our life we are alone. I find this more as I get older. Uni life was full of hussle and bussle, and when you leave, your left to your own devices wandering aimlessly to the next chapter, where again you may find someone, who then leaves and again your alone. Its important to note, that each chapter led you on to the next.
A person may have come into your life because Allah wanted to guide you somewhere through that person. And I have found, that certain doors are open to me because people came into my life and led me to that door. They showed me how to get there, and its up to me to take the next step. It may be that I must take the step alone, but I believe that this is Allahs way of training me, because at the end of the day, we face the Lord alone on the day of reckoning.

I admit I grow attached to people quite easily, and I find it hard to let them go. But let them go I must, for their sake if not mine, and I apologise to those who have hurt because of my own selfish attachment.

This reminds me of the Journey "Israa wal Miraaj" when Gibrael accompanied the Prophet (saw) throughout the journey but at the point of reaching the Lote tree, the Prophet is told to go ahead alone (without his companion Gibrael) to meet his Lord. And so we may all have company in our lives, to show us the way, but at some point they must leave, and we must have the courage to move forward alone, with the hope of reaching something better.

A Choice between Dunyah and Aakhirah

I have found on numerous occasions, where it seems that I have to make a choice, and the choice is quite blatantly between the Dunyah and the Aakhirah, whether it be a choice between a good career/academic education and islamic education, between choosing to marry a deeny man or
a rich-dunya orientated man etc.
One profound thing remains in my mind that the Sheikh in class once said: That "the Dunyah
and the Aakhirah are like two sisters, if you choose to marry one of them, the other one becomes Haram for you."
I dont believe in these kind of people who think they can have the best of both worlds. I think they are confused/deluded in their intentions. The message here is quite clear, you cant have both, Allah does not allow it.